My Soul – Surviving the crushing forces……

As I sit down to write about me, the making of who I am today, I wonder where I should make my start…..

I look deep down and ask myself as to what gives my mind, soul and body the energy or whatever you term it; to experience all this and make me the person I am today - I do run through many events, incidents, accidents, random people, people of my own blood, all other things that have crossed my life and many more to come Is it the many untold incidents, dark stories of my life, stories of my past, or incidents of my growing up years or my friends, partners, or is it those many nameless relationships, or is the many random people or many random things that have come and gone?

For starters; identity, gender, religion, affiliation, discrimination, differentiation, division and segregation etc are never a part of my life or should I say, I refuse to fit into any of these bounded situations. Self-discipline is the only yardstick with which I measure my actions. I am free soul, not tied down by the laws, rules, regulations, structures, fabrics, layers, customs, and rituals of our society. It is this energy or free will with in me that constructs my own being of self in this world. I will remain this free soul, free of all limitations.


Where do I go from here? This freewill with in me is constantly being pounded, and bombarded with the forces of this society, day in and day out. Should I succumb to these forces I ask myself, and then I stand up and choose to live life this way, the way I feel is right, safe, good or whatever. Does this mean; I am an outright self-centered human being? Do I have to feel bad and feel guilty for not fitting into everyone’s expectations? No, I say to all of you who raise your voice and hand against me. I will not take that path and succumb. The only principle I believe, I live for is that of “Humanity”.


This freewill inside me will never give up nor will follow the many paths that for centuries our ancestors have left behind, I will draw my own path, I will fall and raise, learn and unlearn, love and hate, live and die, the way I feel is right. For it is me, the spirit in me, has the right to decide who I am and who I choose to be and the way I choose to live my life……

April Days I call Them

April Days I call Them

I keep counting on and on,
The days of April I call them,
My fingers keep moving, the air is very tense
It bears some signs; of past, present
A sense of timelessness

I dread these April days
It makes breathing, sleeping, waking,
Eating and everything very difficult
It almost chokes me
April days I call them

Try as I may
I can never grow out of it
I age, gray, wrinkle and get wiser
I refuse to grow, time stands still
April days I call them

Try as I may
Like a little child
I still pray to my god and cry
For the light to come
Dream of my father walking back into my life

Try as I may
I let it take me away
Engulf me into the middle of it
My face, my smile, my actions
All of it heavily strained
With the feeling, pain and smell of death

Try as I may
To shut it out
I let it swallow me
Until the day, the moment passes
I come back to life,
Blood slowly washing away the numbness, emptiness, tears, and pain

Try as I may
Not to feel for the touch,
That eternal longing for the touch, the one I dream about
Then I ask my god, how long this wait will last
Will it pass or perhaps it will bleed until I cease to breathe