April Days I call Them

April Days I call Them

I keep counting on and on,
The days of April I call them,
My fingers keep moving, the air is very tense
It bears some signs; of past, present
A sense of timelessness

I dread these April days
It makes breathing, sleeping, waking,
Eating and everything very difficult
It almost chokes me
April days I call them

Try as I may
I can never grow out of it
I age, gray, wrinkle and get wiser
I refuse to grow, time stands still
April days I call them

Try as I may
Like a little child
I still pray to my god and cry
For the light to come
Dream of my father walking back into my life

Try as I may
I let it take me away
Engulf me into the middle of it
My face, my smile, my actions
All of it heavily strained
With the feeling, pain and smell of death

Try as I may
To shut it out
I let it swallow me
Until the day, the moment passes
I come back to life,
Blood slowly washing away the numbness, emptiness, tears, and pain

Try as I may
Not to feel for the touch,
That eternal longing for the touch, the one I dream about
Then I ask my god, how long this wait will last
Will it pass or perhaps it will bleed until I cease to breathe